I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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