he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I woke up under a house in Key West
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