I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
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