last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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