Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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