She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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