we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
