I just made out with a guy for $7.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
