I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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