shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
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