So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
handjob tips. give me some.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
