Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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