It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
