Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i think i have two assholes
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
