He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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