it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
