i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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