If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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