plz talk dirty to me
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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