Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
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