If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
