so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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