i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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