We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
