Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
