She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
