i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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