remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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