i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Randomize
