11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
