she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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