Are we in a gay sports bar?
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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