woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You did what with his pubic hair?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
