Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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