A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
and she was petting her beer can
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Randomize
