I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
