What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
