So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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