i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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