that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
