i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Randomize
