she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She even gives head with a lisp.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
