make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
