Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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