You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
