i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
