Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
