Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
