this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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