so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
