remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Bring me that man meat
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
