True but thats because hes a fetus.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
you will always have a special place in my vag
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
