Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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