in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
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