I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
