just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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