i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
