Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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