No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
