I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
