You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
