It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
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