On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Randomize
