I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
