he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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