I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
