I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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