i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
