Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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