I could have mohawked her pubes.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Randomize
