What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
