You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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