the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
