dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
