Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
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