So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
