I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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