well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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