Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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