I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
